Heya! I’m currently on vacation and will return by September… so U Kiddin Me? will get updated only after that. Sorry for any inconvenience- and enjoy the rest while I’m gone!

–Anirudh B (ukiddinme.blog@gmail.com)

I’m desperately on a search for a co-author to my blog… if you think you can do it, comment on this post with your email id, or send me an email via the Contact Me tab (or at ukiddinme.blog@gmail.com).

For those of you who don’t have blogs, let me explain something to you. People can use search engines to find your blogs. When they do, it shows up on a daily report within your blog. You can actually see what people typed into the search engine that brought up a link to your blog. Most of the searches make total sense when I see them…until today. Here is what people searched today that brought them to my blog:

Today
Search – Views
shingles stages- 2
diaper rash- 2
flip phone warning- 1
400 pound woman sitting on your face- 1
beginning stages shingles- 1
children flip phones- 1
at&t “fraud department” new account call- 1
v3 razr pink- 1
i go to my daily airings- 1
beginning of shingles- 1

Now that I’ve explained to you how it works. Explain this to me…400 POUND WOMAN????? Doing what???? Huh???? I beg your pardon, but I don’t believe I blogged about that!!!

Scenario:
Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1957 – Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007 – School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to
Jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for
Traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1957 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 – Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario:
Jeffrey won’t be still in class, disrupts other students.
1957 – Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 – Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 – Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 – Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 – Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario:
Pedro fails high school English.
1957 – Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2007 – Pedro’s cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1957 – Ants die.
2007 – BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny’s Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 – In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 – Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

Ninja cow

Happy to say that 150 people have liked this blog so far!

-He spends twenty minutes looking at an orange juice box because it said, “concentrate”.
-He puts lipstick on the forehead because he wanted to makeup his mind.
-He gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
-He sends a fax with a stamp on it.
-He tries to drown a fish.
-If you gave them a penny for their intelligence, you’d get change.
-He trips over a cordless phone.
-He takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
-At the bottom of the application where it says “Sign Here”, he puts “Sagittarius”.
-He takes 2 hours to watch “60 minutes”.
-He invents a solar powered flashlight.
-He heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, so he moves.
-He misses the No. 14 Bus, and takes the 7 twice instead.
-He takes you to the airport and saw a sign that said, “Airport left”, and he turned around and went home.
-He got locked in a furniture shop but sleeps on the floor.
-He spends time reading through the above 15 points and analyses if he is an idiot.

(a). Hello, you’ve reached Jim and Sonya. We can’t pick up the phone right now, because we’re doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right…real slowly. So leave a message, and when we’re done brushing our teeth we’ll get back to you.

(b). Hi, this is John. If you are the phone company, I’ve already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.

(c). Hi, I’m probably home, I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.

(d).Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

(e). (Sexy female voice with heavy panting).. Hi, you’ve reached 555-3456. John is in… (sigh) Oh no, he’s out… (aah) Yes, he’s in again… (ooh) No he’s out… (aah) Why don’t you just leave your name and number and he’ll call you as soon as he…comes.

Isn't shopping exciting enough already?